What matters most is how you see yourself

"No one can make you feel inferior without

 your permission"  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Why then do we, all too often, give our permission and allow others to  make us feel badly about ourselves? Remember, painful as it may be to admit, they are not doing it to us, we are allowing them.  

We are in all types of 'relationships'; be they personal, professional or social, with people who we allow to diminish our own sense of self worth. In fact, we often seem to seek out these 'types'. Why?

We need to be honest with ourselves and identify the patterns of how we let these people into our lives, worse yet, once we realize their toxic effect, allow them to stay. Whether we have done so consciously or unconsciously, out of a sense of duty or obligation, the results are still the same: we feel poorly about ourselves and are unhappy. We must stop seeing ourselves through their eyes and begin to see ourselves as the best person we can be.

I suggest we allow it no more. Now is the time to learn to give ourselves permission to think, feel and do 'better'. This is the essence of 'Positive Adaptation'. Please look at the picture above once more and then you decide who do you want to be, the cat, the lion or a healthy combination of the two.

I am not suggesting that what others think or say to and about us may not offer some valuable insights.  What I am saying is that first we must consider the source. Do they really have our best interests at heart?  If so, wonderful, if not, we ought to stop listening immediately.

We need to discover who we are and who we are not, who we want to become and what are our true needs and wants are.  What will make us think and feel 'better' about ourselves? What can we do to find ourselves living 'happier', more satisfying lives, enjoying mutually satisfying relationships.

It may sound like a daunting task however this is the only way to break our old, unhealthy patterns, once and for all. The answers lie within all of us.

Let us stop giving our permission to others to feel like inferior beings. Instead, let us begin to give permission to ourselves to think, feel and do our way into being the best we know we can be.

FYI: I see myself as both a cat and a lion, it depends on what the situation calls for.  I am adaptable.

What matters most is how you see yourself. Feel free to let me know!

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Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

In the sense of the quote, anger can be seen as holding a grudge, and the only person to be hurt by a grudge is the person holding it. He/her is always stewing over it, to the extent that it takes over their being, eventually affecting their health and, to an extent, their sanity.

Meanwhile, the person against whom the grudge is held either is unaware of it, or doesn't give a damn.

Thus, grudges are very negative possessions.


 suppressed anger burns the individual to such an extent that it's likely to explode into hot hurtful shards of hurtful actions and/or words.

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Knowing is not enough, WE MUST APPLY. willing is not enough, WE MUST DO.

• Bruce lee, that was foolish because in your words you didn’t realize that all people desire peace, but only ones at war will actually do. As for others, they’ll be like you, meditating and selfishly trying to find their inner peace while leaving the world at war. Thusly, you didn’t know that ones at war won’t be able to hear your words all the way from China, willing is not enough, people only will for their own happiness, thusly they must never be encouraged to complete living in this way as you are doing. The Prophet Mouhamed said that all actions are considered by God according to the will of the person. One last thing, read this carefully, to will is to be follow by actions, this is what you said, but I say that if you don’t act, that means you don’t will. Thusly the ones you are advising don’t exist because those who will eventually do, and those who don’t are not actually willing, they just cowardly dream.

• The first part of the quote refers to applying knowledge or wisdom, rather than simply learning it without action.
  Those that believe war brings peace obviously have not acquired nor applied the knowledge of peace. You cannot extinguish a fire with more fire, therefore war will never bring peace, it is an instrument that serves to cause fear in those that oppose the ones in power, and as a way to control the opposing nation by forcing them into debt by financing their reconstruction in the aftermath.
  There is nothing selfish about seeking inner peace, if everybody became responsible for their own thoughts and actions and inner peace, then there would be no war. Most that seek inner peace also seek peace for their fellow man and woman. People also pray for the happiness of others, not everyone wills or prays for themselves alone.
  The aspect of willing that I believe Bruce was referring to was “intention”. Someone can be willing for a change, meaning they have the intention, but not all people follow through on their intentions with action. A person could also be willing to go to peace, but place conditions upon it, rather than simply “being at peace” by acting peacefully. Most nations in a conflict will for peace, but place conditions upon it, and they retalliate when the other attacks, rather than remain in peace.
  People should be free to dream without being labelled cowardly. If everyone dreamt the same dream then eventually that dream would become reality when the collective thoughts of the people with that dream gain enough mass to manifest into action. Dreams give people hope, and hope should not be belittled.
  If you can provide a more articulate quote, then I would be glad to consider it.
  
  

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Nobody can bring you peace but yourself

Perhaps Emerson’s most powerful quote. Ultimate power to the individual. Who else but yourself can bring peace into your life? It hurts to say this, but horrible things happen every day. Murder, kidnapping, rape, you name it. It happens to amazing people. The external world is never peaceful. But you don’t have to suffer at the hands of other people. Until the day you die, you can choose to be at peace with the world. You can let go of your surroundings, and be one with nature. One of Emerson’s friends, Henry David Thoreau, believed in the peace of nature. He spent a couple of years submerged in nothing but the beauty of nature itself! Now that is how you find peace! But I’m not saying that you need to spend years in the wilderness to be at peace with yourself. I’m saying that you need to acknowledge your spirituality, and the peace that has been within you since birth. When we learn to find peace within ourselves, the world around us changes. We attract more external peace, while radiating a signal of internal peace! It’s strange, but that’s how life works. From the inside-out, not the outside-in.

The human spirit is as strong as can be. However, society has gradually weakened it. As children, we are born with our own respective traits, attitudes, and beliefs. We are our own person. However, as we get older, we conform to society, and lose our sense of individuality. But you know what I say? No! Emerson refused to give up his right to be different, and refused to conform to society’s standard. This is what every human being is meant to do. To go against the grain, is to find

your own way of life. To do it your way, like it has never been done before!

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Take a deep breath it's just a bad day not a bad life

3 Steps to Make a Bad Day Good 

 

“To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.” 

The beauty of life is that we constantly have the opportunity to change it.
We always have the power to recreate it. We can change our thoughts, remember how to live instead of planning each moment, forgive the past, be present for the now, slow down the speed, and push the reset button on a day that has escaped us.

I recently had one of those days.

This past Saturday was wonderful. Or so I thought it would be when I woke up.
I’d been invited to a traditional Cambodian, Vietnamese Wedding, and was excited to attend. Although I didn’t know the bride or the groom, I would be the guest of a good friend.
I had a couple of mishaps that morning that caused me to be late. First, I spent 30 minutes with my younger sister, peeling a wad of gum off the heels she’d borrowed from me the night before—the ones I planned to wear to the wedding in the next hour.
I half-sprinted without make-up to my car, holding a coffee that later spilled all over the front seat.
I arrived to the ceremony 15 minutes late. I quickly made my way towards the front door of the home. A room full of women in vibrant, traditional Asian clothing greeted me inside.
I introduced myself to a couple as a guest of Sophya, a good friend of mine. They just looked at me blankly, perhaps unsure who she was, and didn’t really respond.
I made my way to the nearby couch where a small group of kids were playing to wait for Sophya there. After getting lost in Legos for 20 minutes, I heard Sophya calling me from another room.

Insistently, she called, “Cat! Cat, you’re not supposed to be in here. Where’s your purse? Grab it.”

Apparently, I was inside the “bride’s home” but I was a guest on the groom’s side. Traditionally, the groom and his guests are not allowed into the home until they are invited and accepted in.
We made our way outside and the ceremony began shortly after. It was beautiful—a procession towards the front door with the groom’s family and friends, carrying gift offerings wrapped in bright red wrapping, symbolizing prosperity.
I decided to take off the coat I’d been wearing all morning. That’s when Sophya told me that my dress was on backwards.  I looked down. It wasn’t on backwards, but it was inside out—tags hanging out on one side and the back.
Quite embarrassed, I quickly made my way to the bathroom and re-dressed. I came out, stood for about another three minutes, attempting to re-present myself to the ceremony when I heard a woman from behind me:
“Excuse me, excuse me. I don’t want you to get cold. Your dress—there are three buttons that aren’t buttoned.”
At that point, I would’ve simply loved to bury my head somewhere and remain there for the next week.  Sophya—the gentle, sweet person that she is—quietly laughed, smiled, and then buttoned me up.
While recapping the morning, in hindsight, the day was just a comedy of errors. But, at the time, it was one frustrating and embarrassing occurrence after another.
I imagine we all have our versions of days like this: the ones that seem to begin a bit “off” and then somehow spiral into a sequence of mishaps.

Here are the 3 tips to remember when everything goes wrong:

Reset

After the eventful Saturday morning I had experienced, I told myself that I could either be completely mortified, allowing a few hours to influence the remainder of the day—or I could simply acknowledge the lesson and then reset.
I turned on my favorite CD, let the music absorb me, and made my way to see my baby sister. Something about a 1-year old’s carefree world and kind smile can always reset me.
We are each so powerful in our ability to completely change how we feel this very moment.
We can escape the pursuits of tomorrow, the clinging of negative thoughts, the spiraling of worry that creates fear. We can escape negativity and embarrassment and get out of a funk when we give ourselves the choice to do so.
What resets do you have? Perhaps a long walk outside? Or a yoga class to help you center? Or a phone call to a friend for encouragement? Or a visit to your favorite blog? Or a quote that puts things back in perspective?  Or a picture that reminds you of all the abundance you have?
Can you remind yourself to use these resets when experiencing moments of spiraling?

Drop It

I’ve adopted the mantra of “drop it like it’s hot” whenever thoughts of fear or negativity try to seep in. Perhaps a bit silly, but it works.
Our fearful thoughts can take an event that seemed bad and draw it out way longer than necessary. It’s amazing how this type of thinking can actually create more events that seem bad.
It is natural and common for our thoughts to wander from one instance to the next. Our thoughts can either carry us to a place of hope, motivation, and excitement—or to a place of frustration, worry, and resentment.
We have the ability to choose to drop those thoughts that don’t serve us. We can liberate ourselves from fear by choosing to let go of stories about what happened in the past.
Next time your fear-based thoughts take over, ask yourself, “Which thoughts are interrupting the flow of my day?” Then drop it like it’s hot.

Breathe

No matter what changes in our external setting, the gift we have inside is always unwavering.
When circumstances in our day seem to become scattered and our day has completely escaped us, perhaps it has. But that’s just what’s going on outside us.
We can center by bringing ourselves back to this very moment with our breath. Take a moment to just be here, to connect with the now.
Breathe out all of the imperfections of today and breathe in the ability to find clarity in resetting.
Use the breath as a reminder to revel in this moment. At any time, we can choose to make adjustments, adapt, and reset.  We always have the ability to choose to be at ease.
Next time you have one of those days when everything seems to wrong, remember: Reset. Drop. And breathe.

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Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.

What does that mean?

This is a slightly shortened quote from Our Mutual Friend, Book 2, Chapter 8. However, the missing portions are not necessary for the purposes of discussing this quote, in my opinion.

This quote talks about some of the finest characteristics of the human animal. A heart that never hardens, despite the hate and anger directed at it. A temper that never tires, despite being tried regularly, often by the same people directing hate and anger at it. A touch that never hurts, but provides comfort and help, even to the people who have been antagonistic.
If you could have these traits, I believe not only would your life improve, but so would the lives of those who your life touches. I also believe attempting to achieve this condition is a worthy goal.

Why is character important?  

Here we aren’t talking character, as a person from a book (Dickens being a famous author), but character as defined at thefreedictionary.com : “A description of a person’s attributes, traits, or abilities” – and more specifically “Moral or ethical strength.”
Here, we are interested in the moral and ethical strengths as shown by the traits and attributes of a person. How is their heart? How is their temper? How is their touch? Each of these describes an aspect of a person’s character.
Some people are known for their outstanding character, others for a rather mixed bag when it comes to character, and the rest for their lack of character. You can look to Hollywood or Washington D.C. for a complete spread from the best to the worst with all the permutations in-between.
This is the point where I remind people that character, like so many other value judgments, are based on what a society values. What we value today and what the ancient Aztecs valued are markedly different. Similarly, what they considered good character would differ from what we consider good character. But as we aren’t in the 1500′s, we’ll stick with what most of the world considers to be good and proper in today’s world.

Where can I apply this in my life?

How does one have a heart that never hardens? To me, that is pretty much the definition of forgiveness. To reach this conclusion, I reversed the quote and asked “What would I need to do to harden my heart?” Never forgive and never forget was an immediate and clear answer.

How would you answer the question? Did you come up with another method to harden your heart? Whatever you came up with, I would recommend doing the opposite. Forgive and forget is what I try to do. What is appropriate for your opposite method? You might want to write it down and keep it somewhere where you can review it from time to time and make adjustments as you gain experience.
How does one have a temper that never tires? To me that is a fair definition of compassion. Again, the opposite question: “How does one have a most volatile temper?” The easiest way is to be completely devoid of compassion, and take everything that happens as a personal affront, or even an attack.
How would you answer the question? Did you come up with a different method to have a volatile temper? Again, I would recommend doing the opposite of what makes for a bad temper. For me, compassion is how I calm my temper. What do you think would be best for you? Again, writing it down for future reference and modification might be a good idea.
Finally, how does one have a touch that never hurts? I would expand this to both how one touches the lives of others, as well as a physical touch (ie not hitting). To me, this pointed to hope. The opposite question would be: “How can one hurt all we touch?” While there may be many specific methods, the root of them all, to me, is hopelessness. Without hope, why bother to restrain yourself? Lashing out at anybody and everybody will just come naturally.
How would you answer the question? Did you have a different answer to hurting others? Once again, doing the opposite would be my recommendation. For me, hope, both for them and for myself, helps me maintain a positive viewpoint. This makes it much easier to be a positive influence when touching others, both in spirit or in flesh (the touching, that is). Again, writing down some ideas for future reference might be a good idea.
Now that we have figured out how to have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires and a touch that never hurts, one might ask why these are of any benefit. A reasonable question, and one you can answer for yourself. It is especially appropriate that Dickens is the author of the quote, as we will use the Dickens method to answer the question “Why?”
Think back on all the times when you were on the “wrong” side of the quote in these three aspects. Can you feel the pain, hurt, shame and anguish you caused others? And do you feel those now, within yourself, knowing what you have done? That’s the Ghost of Christmas Past visiting. The Ghost of Christmas Present would like you to review all that you have done and seen, and consider how different people have acted with more skill in their actions and words. Finally, the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come would like to take you on a trip where you do not address your present course, and see how your heart, your temper, and your touch have changed the lives of those around you for the worse.
The answer to the question “Why?” is simple – to avoid the future you may end up causing. As Scrooge came to understand, one is never too old to change their ways, nor is it ever too late to begin making amends. You might not be able to change the past, but you can change the future. What future do you want for your friends and family?

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We only have to control over two moments in our lives .... HERE and NOW

How to live in the present

What does it mean to live fully in the present moment? It means that your awareness is completely centered on the here and now. You are not worrying about the future or thinking about the past. When you live in the present, you are living where life is happening. The past and future are illusions, they don’t exist. As the saying goes “tomorrow never comes”. Tomorrow is only a concept, tomorrow is always waiting to come around the corner, but around that corner are shadows, never to have light shed upon, because time is always now.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” – Buddha

  

• Why living in the present will change your life.

If you’re not living in the present, you’re living in illusion. That seems to a be a pretty good reason to live in the present, doesn’t it? But how often are we worrying about things that have yet to come, how often do we beat ourselves up for mistakes that we’ve made, no matter how much time has passed? The answer is too much. Not only will living in the present have a dramatic effect on your emotional well-being, but it can also impact your physical health. It’s long been known that the amount of mental stress you carry can have a detrimental impact on your health. If you’re living in the present, you’re living in acceptance. You’re accepting life as it is now, not as how you wish it would have been. When you’re living in acceptance, you realize everything is complete as it is. You can forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, and you can have peace in your heart knowing that everything that should happen will.
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” 

•  Start living, stop conceptualizing.

The worst part about living in the past or the future is that you’re giving up your personal power. If you’re not living now, you’re giving up your life. You’re surrendering your power to create. If there are changes you’d like to make in life, it’s best to do it now. If you’re living in the past, you can’t do anything about it, it’s gone. If you’re worrying about the future, you’re living somewhere that doesn’t exist. It hasn’t happened yet. If you want to change your life, the only place you can do it is in the present. But first you need to accept life as it is. When it comes down to it your mind is the only thing keeping you from living in the present.

“There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.” ~Robert Nathan

• Why is it difficult to live in the present?

There are many people that can give you their opinion or their advice on why it is difficult to live in the present. Some will say it is because we live in abstraction, we live in the world of symbols. Some might say it is because we have awareness of the passage of time, or the illusion of time, it produces anxiety because we can look at the past and predict the future. I think all of these answers are partially true. Though the biggest reason we don’t live in the present is because we don’t shut up. That is, we constantly talk to ourselves. As Alan Watts aptly put it, “if we are talking all of the time, we never hear what anyone else has to say. In the same way, if we are talking to ourselves all the time, we are never listening, we have nothing to think about other than thoughts, and are never in relationship with reality”.
As humans, we love to create stories. We love to listen to other people stories and compare them with our own. This is beautiful. In a way we could say that the entire universe is based on one collection of stories, a cosmic story. The problem is when we feel the need to create a story about everything, we are living entirely in the world of symbols. We confuse the world as it is, with the way we think about it, talk about it and describe it. Reality though, is not a concept. When we realize this we are able to return to a state of peace and stillness.

• A new way, 5 ways to start living in the present:

In order for us to live in the present, does this mean we have to give up our innate desire to write our personal story and share it with others? No, we shouldn’t trade one extreme for another. What we really want, is to find balance. If you follow these simple tips you can start living in the present, and start experiencing reality as it is.
1. Don’t try to quiet your mind
The hardest thing to do when living in the moment is, or trying to simply witness life, is to not have the urge to try to quiet your mind. When we try to quiet the mind, we just disturb it all the more. Instead, simply witness your thoughts as if they are pure sound. Don’t try to judge your thoughts, there are no good thoughts or bad thoughts. Simply witness them as if they were noise.
2. You are not your thoughts
Too often we identify ourselves with our thoughts, we actually believe we are the dialogue inside our mind. However, we are much more than just our thoughts, we are the force that moves through our mind, spirit and body. Knowing this helps us overcome our fear of quietness and silence, we can have peace knowing that when our minds are quiet, we are not losing touch with ourselves.
3. Breathe, you’re alive
For a moment I’d like you to stop reading and simply pay attention to your breath. I’ll wait…
As you focus your attention on your breath, you’ll notice that your breath is neither voluntary or involuntary. It is something that you do, but at the same time something that “does you”. When you focus your attention on your breath, you come back into relationship with reality, because like breath, reality is both something you do and something that “does you”. It is co-creative. Practice conscious breathing to bring your mind back to the present.
4. Music for meditation
There is a lot of great music made to assist with meditation. My personal favorite though is Stan Richardson’s Japanese flute music. Every time I play it I can feel it’s peaceful energy wash over me. Music made for meditation can help us bring our attention back to the present and clear our mind.
5. Practice mindfulness
This isn’t so much of a tip as it is a staple in living in the present. Practicing mindfulness means we practice our awareness in all our actions. Whether we are washing dishes or tying our shoes, our mind is focused on whatever we are doing. We are not thinking about the bills that we have to pay, or the phone call we need to make when we get to the office. We are simply living in the moment.
I hope you enjoyed this article. If you have any more tips or insight into how to improve mindfulness and awareness of the present, please leave your comment below. Thank you for reading!

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